Grumbly in My Tummy

Mom bought me one of those 'spensive totally not worth wasting money on Fancy Feast appetizers and gave it to me this morning and I ate it so fast it ran away and I throwded it up. And the Mom cleaned it up and said, "You can't have anything else delicious today."

Bitch.

So here's a picture of me snuggling with Mom and staring longingly at the kitchen.

PPPFffffffflllllttttt

Wake Up Call

I don know why Mom has an alarm clock. She hits da snoooooooooooze button and it just gives up for like tenty minnits. I don't have a snoooooooooze button. I stab her in da eye over andover till she gets up and I don't stop.

Den she's up and sleepy and has to go to werk and I go to sleep. Hey, being an alarm clock cat makes me need a nap!

Mom, You're Smothering Me!

Cat Anguish Haiku

Lil' Jack Sparrow is gettin' his hackey sacks emptied tomorrow, so I wrote him dis Haiku. Don't worry, Jack. It happens to the best of us. You're still a man!

Oh, empty scrotum
How I miss my testicles
Being neutered sucks

A Heated Discushion

OK, here's da ting about Mom. . . she's KRAZY. And. . . and. . . she wants me to freeze. See, she says she doesn't like it when the furnace comes on, 'cause it's loud and old and smells bad and costsus moneys. Now, I loves it when the furnace comes on, 'cause I can go to the blowy place where the warm comes out and take a naps with all the warm.

It's December, and da furnace hasn't been on yet. Maybe she needs more fur to turn it on? Maybe I leave her some extras.

She said something about sixty is where it's gonna be this year. SIXTY! That's like penguin temprature.

Here's where I need yur help. Mom says she might get me one of those beds that is powered by kitty. . . like, I lie on it and it gets warm! But she doesn't know if it works so good. Anyone have one of dese? She says I can't have a plugin one because she won't leave it on when she's at work.

The only good thing about dis is Mom uses the oven when it gets really cold 'cause that makes the apartment hot so tonight I gets chicken! (This kinda sucks when she makes squash, 'cause I don't like squash. I like squashing little spiders with my paw, but not da same thing.)

Hi, I'm Wendell. And You Are Not

So. . . my mom decided she didn't want to blog so much anymore.

But wait--DIS blog isn't about her. It's about me. Da cat. My name is Wendell and I'm 8 years old I don't need a governess. (We watch The Sound of Music a lot, which is weird 'cause I thought you were supposda hear sound, not watch it.) Let's get the stinky outta the way first:

I have cat asthma and two years ago I hadda have a piece of plastic taken outta me and it cost thousands and thousands of dollars. I also hadda have all my fangs removed 'cause I was born with some weird gum disease. You might say I'm a kitty nerd.

Now, da good stuff:
I live in NJ and I don't like it when people make funna New Jersey. Shure, we gots our problems, but it's really not that bad a state.

I was borned probably in Jersey City, but all they told Mom was that I came from a house with too many kitties. (Is there such a thing?)

I was borned a few weeks before nineeleven which made Mom really sad and scared and she decided it was time for a cat in her life. That's really good, 'cause I had just decided it was time for a chubby, curly-headed trivia, movie and musical theater loving crazy woman in my life.

We live in an apartment and my food dish is maybe 25 kitty steps from the bedroom to the kittychen but I still wake up mom in the middle of the night to walk me to the dish.

We already follow a coupla cat blogs like Buddha and Max and Victor and Nina.

I'm a lover, not a biter. I hate cat treats but I love corn. I am a catnip snob. When mom comes home I cry till she picks me up. The cat sitter says I'm needy. He's right. I accept that my nickname is Stinky Pete, especially 'cause I don't answer to anything I'm called. I live by the philosophy that you can't judge a package by its box, because who really cares what's in the box, just give me the freaking empty box.

Okay that's it for now. Welcome to my blog. Try not to get it messy.