Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Wendell Attacks a Thing

Mom said the last video didn't have enouf of my face so here's me attacking a thing that was wrapped around another thing but then went into the garbage so I wouldn't eat it. Watch it she added music and everything. Hers is a life well spent.

My Scratcher Ball Rolly Thing Which I Got For Hanookah

Last night was the 8th and final night of Hanookah. Lookit what I got!
Mom saw that I was using my little narrow scratcher a lot so she went to Petsmart and found me this bigger one. And it was on sale, which Mom likes 'cause sometimes she's cheap. 
To quote Shirley MacLaine when she won her Oscar in 1983, "I deserve this." What? Can't a fella like Shirley Maclaine?
 This is me right after Mom opened it. I started scratching right away. Then she put the catnip it came with on and I was all, "Yeah, dat's the stuff" and I got a little trippy.
Mom says looking at my head makes her want vanilla fudge swirl ice cream. Do they even make that anymore?
And here's a video of me playing with my new scratcher. Mom's foot helped me figure out what to do with the ball.

Then we had Shake and Bake and Nom chicken and I passed out on the bed.

Monday, December 26, 2011

The Grinch Who Stole My Stuff

Dear fucking asshole who stole my secret paws present:

Yeah, that's pretty strong language for a kitteh. I heard it tonight from my Mom when she found out that UPS dropped off my present on Friday at the front door of an unsecured building even though they didn't have permission from Mom to do that.

Anyway, I hope it made you really happy to steal my present. I bet you wished it was something better, maybe something you could sell so you could have some money to do whatever deuchebags like you do when you take things that aren't yours. I bet you were pissed to find out it was a cat toy.

Or maybe you laughed and thought how pathetic that a person would send a present to a cat. Maybe you can read and you saw that I participated in a "Secret Paws" gift swap with other cats across the world.

Let me tell you this: It may be silly, but that's not for you to judge. And it doesn't matter if I got sent a gold-plated iPhone or a box of plastic kumquats--those were MY plastic kumquats. Someone picked it out for me. Someone spent money and time and energy doing something nice for another person and their kitteh. And your name wasn't on it and you took it and you had to go and piss all over it.

And now if the nice person who bought me that present wants their money back, they're gonna halfta call UPS, and that is about as fun as eating dirty poopy litter. . . which is now my nickname for you, Jerkface.

Happy Holidays!

Secret Paws

Guys guys guys.
So I haven't gotten my Secret Paws yet but Mom got a UPS thingy on Thursday. She accidentally threw it out but then she didn't get a "second day" one on Friday. Today there was no UPS delivery but if you were our secret paws and you have a UPS tracking number we can use to call them dat'd be cool. Sorry for da troubles. We didn't think about UPS when we signed up and shoulda put Mom's work address 'cause UPS at home is not so good.

For You, A Question

Why do they call it Shake N Bake? They are leaving out da best part. They should call it Shake N Bake N Nom.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all my kitteh friends! I hope Santa brought you something awesome.

Monday, December 19, 2011

When I said "Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree" I wasn't singing a Christmas song, I was placing a takeout order. What's a fella gotta do ta get some poultry around here?

Monday, December 12, 2011

Please Vote For My LOLz!

If I lay like dis the zombees will think I am one of dem.

Dreidel? I Don't See No Stinking Dreidel.

Mom told Aunt J. last week that I chased after a dreidel when she spun it and Aunt J. said Mom should make a video. So of course when Mom tried to make a video I had to show how much I really didn't care. 'Cause I'm a cool cat like that.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Mom said she needed a new man whore and I was all, "Whoah, dat is too much information. Also I never knew you had an old man whore." Then I realized she said "menorah" and that made more sense. . . well, about as much sense as setting a fire in your apartment every day for 8 days.